The Call
Taking in stride the bulls**t that crosses my path daily, I try to use it as an inspiration to write creative and funny episodes. After all, if you can't laugh at the pettiness of people and their testing of your intelligence, what other defense do you have in life?
I received a call the other morning, first thing to start the day off on the right foot. A very stern and authoritative, intimidating, and mature female voice, stated: "THIS IS ***** ****** BROWN SPEAKING!"
Holy S**T! Is this the White House Press Secretary calling? Or a representative from the Vatican with papal implications? Maybe Cecily's mother? In any event, a person of importance and not to be treated lightly.
She firmly stated that she had bought 3 tubes of oil paint a few years ago...It turned out to be 7 or 8 years! It seemed the caps had broken and she would like them replaced as soon as possible. The elongated shape of the caps identified the time frame. She had not bought anything from me since that time, so I wasn't inspired to stop everything and take care of this pressing issue.
A UPS package costs me about $25 in labor to complete, with shipping, so I said that it was not on my list of immediate priorities. I suggested a small order to defray the cost?
She countered that she paints very thinly and doesn't use much paint, so she doesn't need anything right now. I guess maybe another 7 or 8 years? Considering I'm 76 years old, I'm not crossing off days on the calender waiting.
When Supreme Court Judge posturing didn't work, now she changes, saying she's an old woman and doesn't know what to do! I said, "I'm an old man, and I know exactly what to do!", like shredding her name from my files. Actually, I was thinking of a more physically invasive measure that I won't mention here.
This episode reminded me of an old W.C. Field's movie when he opened his new drug store, and the first call was for a box of cough drops to be broken in half and delivered by his truck to a mountaintop lodge. IMMEDIATELY! He did it. I didn't!
--R. Doak
I received a call the other morning, first thing to start the day off on the right foot. A very stern and authoritative, intimidating, and mature female voice, stated: "THIS IS ***** ****** BROWN SPEAKING!"
Holy S**T! Is this the White House Press Secretary calling? Or a representative from the Vatican with papal implications? Maybe Cecily's mother? In any event, a person of importance and not to be treated lightly.
She firmly stated that she had bought 3 tubes of oil paint a few years ago...It turned out to be 7 or 8 years! It seemed the caps had broken and she would like them replaced as soon as possible. The elongated shape of the caps identified the time frame. She had not bought anything from me since that time, so I wasn't inspired to stop everything and take care of this pressing issue.
A UPS package costs me about $25 in labor to complete, with shipping, so I said that it was not on my list of immediate priorities. I suggested a small order to defray the cost?
She countered that she paints very thinly and doesn't use much paint, so she doesn't need anything right now. I guess maybe another 7 or 8 years? Considering I'm 76 years old, I'm not crossing off days on the calender waiting.
When Supreme Court Judge posturing didn't work, now she changes, saying she's an old woman and doesn't know what to do! I said, "I'm an old man, and I know exactly what to do!", like shredding her name from my files. Actually, I was thinking of a more physically invasive measure that I won't mention here.
This episode reminded me of an old W.C. Field's movie when he opened his new drug store, and the first call was for a box of cough drops to be broken in half and delivered by his truck to a mountaintop lodge. IMMEDIATELY! He did it. I didn't!
--R. Doak
